I didn\u2019t want to share my bump photos on social media, partly because I knew my mother\u2019s distant relatives followed me (and everyone knew I wasn\u2019t married), but I remember feeling remote and lonely every time I saw boisterous photos of mothers holding their baby bumps high with pride, I felt sorry for myself. I remember hopelessly scrolling through social media and seeing advice for every type of parent you could think of, from the single parent to the little families that went skiing over the holidays. The truth was that the little families with perfect smiles and \u201cI am so grateful for motherhood\u201d captions always did better.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, during my maternity leave, I crowded my socials with topics that explicitly explained why motherhood was hard, I talked about the delivery process and how cruel it was, I raged on about the breastfeeding process and why I hated it but little did I know that the 300 people that followed me were taking note, some were nodding in agreement while others pitied me enough to send motivational Bible verses about the gift of motherhood, it was depressing, to say the least, did I need help?<\/p>\n
I later found that people liked seeing the beautiful side of motherhood, they liked messages like \u201cdon\u2019t worry mama, you\u2019re doing a great job\u201d they liked seeing the complete family photo with their matching outfits and for the single mothers they liked motivational speeches that reaffirmed them of their incredible superpowers of being able to handle bills and still have the energy to get home just in time for some cuddles.<\/p>\n
All this sounds easy until you start comparing.
\nComparison just happens when you least expect it and who are you comparing yourself to? It\u2019s the perfectly made-up mama in the studio with her three children and baby bump, it\u2019s you wondering how she has the grace to get more kids while you in your right mind cannot even fathom going through it again, are you bad for it? You\u2019re horrible for it, you decide.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s the mama who always insists that gentle parenting must be done or else your children will end up as damaged brats and you\u2019ll be labeled a monster because God forbid you ended up screaming mercy when your one child spilled his cereals on your new carpet. While your emotions may be all over the place there\u2019s a need social media brings mothers, the need to show how well they\u2019re doing, you can\u2019t help but feel like you want everyone to see that you\u2019re just as great as they look in their photos (even if they\u2019re scripted). But that is the real disease, explain to me why you would subject yourself to the scrutiny of social media.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s behind the need to post your motherhood journey?<\/p>\n
Why would a stressed-out new mother spend precious time creating the ideal baby photo for Facebook? Why should she also be concerned with how these “friends” \u2014 some of whom are her family and close friends, but many of whom are just casual acquaintances \u2014 react to pictures of her child? Most of the time, motherhood is so lonely that you need to connect, share, and be heard, even with strangers on social media. I\u2019d post photos of my son and get comments about how cute he was, and occasionally I\u2019d get affirmations from other women who were looking to be inspired by my well-orchestrated captions. At first, I did it for myself. I casually posted a photo of everything motherhood and would insist that my son would be able to look at my feed later on and reminisce.<\/p>\n
However, I noticed that as I struggled to manage to parent a toddler while working full-time, I became more and more concerned with getting the perfect pictures of my daughter’s accomplishments and adventures, eagerly awaiting the steady stream of likes and comments that would give me the encouragement I needed. I slowly realized that I only felt credible when I had more likes, shares, and saves. My motherhood affirmations on social media became a need, almost a drug that boosted my dopamine. Everything was wrong with this. How you feel about motherhood should be an innate assessment that you regularly conduct and every once in a while you can ask your closest friends to let you know if you\u2019re on the right track, preferably the ones who\u2019ve been in the game a lot longer than you. Your value as a mother should not be pegged on social media, but in this day and age, what exactly does that mean?<\/p>\n
The fact is that several mothers feel the pressure to appear a certain way on social media.<\/p>\n
Facebook and Instagram users who are mothers are on the rise. 40% of millennial mothers have an Instagram account specifically for their children. One study that examined how new parents used social media discovered that moms used their children’s social media posts, comments, and likes as a form of external validation. This kind of social media usage has been connected to new moms’ depressed symptoms and increased parenting stress.<\/p>\n
Moms who regularly compared themselves to others on social networking sites felt more depressed, overwhelmed, and less capable as parents, according to a similar study that looked at the relationship between social media comparisons and parenting habits and the mental health of mothers. In the prenatal and postpartum periods, between 15 and 20% of new mothers reportedly experience mental health problems. How does social media affect a new parent’s self-assurance and capacity? Is social media only an unwitting accomplice to perinatal mental health issues, or does it contribute to them?<\/p>\n
Social media users typically present a very favorable image of themselves. For mothers who feel pressure to be flawless, this might be especially true. Struggling women often feel inadequate when they contrast their own experiences with the idealized, picture-perfect ideal of parenting.<\/p>\n
I cannot claim that social media doesn\u2019t have positive effects, I have learned a lot from social media. Without social media, I wouldn\u2019t have been able to connect with mothers that felt like motherhood was a continuous rollercoaster of negativity. The same platforms have challenged my thinking and given me insights on how to be a better mother, but I have one rule if it is not informative, encouraging or makes me laugh then I will certainly not engage with that page or person. I also stopped sharing my son\u2019s photos, have you ever asked yourself if your child would want to be on social media?<\/p>\n
If I do happen to share our precious moments I have a separate private account where I only have 55 followers, I know each person. Motherhood is a journey that does not only involve you alone but also involves your child, if you have to keep telling your child to look and smile a certain way or keep rehearsing a script with a sullen face then I would consider that some form of emotional abuse. Some kids have the knack for it, but they tend to be older than 5 anything below that in my opinion puts unnecessary pressure on you and your child\/ren.<\/p>\n
So what kind of social media content is worth your time as a mother?<\/p>\n
I encourage you to relax a little bit and not take everything you see online too seriously, especially the parents who are always eager to prove that motherhood is all rosy and dandy. There are imperfect moms on Instagram. Authentic (and messy) versions of motherhood, including ones with unwashed hair and throw-up stains, are being portrayed by a new generation of social media moms who are fighting the “perfect mother” stereotype.<\/p>\n
When she is exhausted, having a terrible day, or admitting that she doesn’t have everything sorted out, this mother doesn’t hold back. A lot of new parents also see social media as a method to keep in touch with friends and family as well as build a new community where they can virtually interact with other mothers. Instead of making individuals feel inadequate, these ties ought to enable them to offer support to one another and normalize their unique experiences.<\/p>\n
You can always meet up in person with other new parents to connect, internet or no internet. Look for parenting playgroups, music lessons, or classes for moms and their babies. Consider extending your community outside the Internet and social media. No number of “likes” or “comments” can erase the fact that some days are harder than others. Simply know that you’re doing fantastic!<\/p>\n
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